Last night, I was reading, and it hit me.  I miss this space.  I know I haven’t been posting here much, and I would like to start again.  So, then I got to thinking about why I haven’t been posting.  I am busy, but I was always busy.  This is a new kind of busy for me, though.  A kind of busy that doesn’t always allow for crafty stuff to make it to the list.

And, I had it in my head that in order to have a “perfect” blog, I had to have “perfect” posts with “perfect” projects presented in “perfect” pictures and a “perfectly” clear focus.  And, I, without completely intending to, had transformed my thinking about this space as a place where I could only share crafty stuff and not even all of it, only the perfect stuff.

So, I am ditching that not-so-perfect idea.  I am never going to have a blog that makes any money.  That was never my goal anyway.  If you look back to my initial posts, I don’t even think I shared much of my crafty stuff.  So, I am going to take back this space.  I will still post the fun stuff I am working on, but I am going to post what’s going on with me too.  That was the whole point from the beginning.

Apparently, she was at work and made up a word while she was talking to her coworkers.  She has a really cool job working at a plant nursery, but everyone knows that she is an English major, so it caused roughly the following discussion.

CoWorker#1: That’s not a word. You can’t say that.

BGF:  Yes, I can.  I am an English major.  When you graduate with an English degree, they give you a piece of paper that says that you are allowed to make up words.

CW#1: Really?  No way.

BGF:  No, really. I have it at home.

CW#2 (in on it): Oh yeah, I have heard of that.  I was a Communications major, but I had friends that talked about it.

CW#1:  Wow!  Will you bring the piece of paper in?

BGF:  I don’t know if I even know where it is now.  But, I will look for it.

When the BGF told me about it, she recounted with some joy that they had actually fallen for it. And, while it is not completely true that English majors are ever given written permission to make up words.  Making up words is something I have enjoyed ever since I was little when my father made up the word “mumph.”

Mumphing is what you do when you have company coming over.  If you imagine the act of shuffling papers back into a nice, neat pile and apply that action to the whole house, that is mumphing.  My father created this word as a way to talk about what we needed to do before the wonderful woman who cleaned our house every two weeks came (with 4 children spread over 14 years and two working parents, it was a requirement to have help with the general cleaning).

mumphing = straightening, but not necessarily cleaning

And, this term has followed me throughout my life, particularly into my married life. It actually makes me a little giddy when the boy looks at me and says something like “We need to mumph, right?”  I love it because the boy never had a chance to meet my dad, and it makes me think they are some how connected through language.

This word is part of our lives.  And, it always makes me feel better to know that we have a defense against quick get togethers.  You know, when you are out at the bar, and everyone decides to come over.  We know that we are safe.  We can run home and mumph!    In some weird way, it tells my typically perfectionist self that we can just make it good enough. It is actually a sign of what a high regard we hold you in when we decide to stop mumphing when you are coming over.   And, to be honest, true mumphing often includes moving piles of things that really should be put away to a room at the back of the house that you can close the door to.

However, as of Sunday, our house will officially be on the market.  Looking around right now, I am still not exactly sure how that is going to be possible, but I am determined that it will happen!  We will get there.  But, it is quite clear that the time for mumphing in this house is done for a while.  And, this is a little unnerving for me.  This is the first house the boy and I bought together.  And, so much of us is evident in all the nooks and crannies.

In fact, this whole process of opening my house up to people to come in and critique my furniture and paint color choices kinda freaks me out.  Logically, I know that I just watch too much HGTV.  Yes, people that are looking at houses say nasty things about other people’s decorating choices.  That is just what happens.  But, really they are just trying to see themselves in a new space.  They aren’t focused on the pieces of my life.  In all actuality, they are trying to see past them.

But, I can’t help to hope that this process is a quick one.  I am sending all those good thoughts into the universe.  Now, we just need the Army to tell us where we are going next!

Christine was nice enough to include some questions to help us get started, and the day I got the email, I went through and answered all of them.  Being the writing teacher that I am, I went back from time to time and tweaked a few things, and then I pulled all the pieces I liked the best together and sent it in.

Throughout this whole process, self-doubt started to slip through, but I persevered. And, then I received an email from Christine’s ezine with this article (included at the bottom of the page).

It is a wonderful article with a great message, and I was fine…until I got to the bottom of the page.  4,000 subscribers, and that was just to the ezine.  I thought of all the possible people that would be reading all about my insecurities and problems areas.  All I have to say is that it was a good thing that the article in the ezine was what it was.  Because my “Who do you think you are?” voice came through loud and clear.

But, it was a short-lived moment.  And, that is how I know that this last year with my word has done what it needed to do.  I am happy that I was able to share my thoughts on the last year in such a visible way.  I took accountability and ownership.  And, I thought that I would share my post here too!  Please make your way over to Christine’s site and check it out!

Who Do You Think You Are?

You’ve heard it.

I’ve heard it.

We can even laugh about it because it’s so common.

I’m talking about the snarky voice in your head that mouths off whenever you think about being a little bolder, or a little decadent, or more self-nurturing.

It’s the voice that says, “Who do you think you are?”

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but mine shows up as a group of high school girls.

Their eyes are lined with thick black pencil. They wear concert t-shirts. Their hair is burnt from too many home perms. One of them steps forward and says, with her hands on her hips, “Who do you think you are?” And then she turns to the others and says, “Who does she think she is?” Then they all take an aggressive step forward. (Welcome to an average day at my old high school!)

My friend Joy told me that “Who do you think you are?” jumps in whenever she imagines hanging out on the sofa reading magazines.

A few years ago, I saw Oprah speak. She said that every time she wanted to achieve more, the first voice she heard was “Who do you think you are?”

Every woman I know has her own version of this voice waiting in the wings.

In other words: Stay down, play small, shut up, and don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t even bother because you won’t make it, you don’t deserve it, and everyone knows it, and they’ll all laugh at you when you fail.

So, next time that voice jumps up in your head, here’s what you do:

Answer it.

Really. Who do you think you are?

————-

One time, I was telling a mentor about some fears coming up around a choice I was making.

I said, “…and all the voices in my head are saying, ‘Who do you think you are?’”

And he looked at me and said, “Well? Who do you think you are?”

I smiled and continued with my story.

He cut in.

“No. Stop. I really want to know. Who do you think you are? Tell me right now.”

In a very tiny voice, I told him.

Then he made me say it again in a bigger, stronger voice. And again after that.

He said, “There. Now you have an answer for your voices.”

Now I do this exercise every time those voices arise.

Here’s a tip:

When you answer that question, use language that speaks the truth of your strengths and values

In other words, make it authentic.

It’s tempting to recite something that sounds “lofty” or “holy.” I know you know what I mean. “I am a divine being, living in divine perfection with power and grace..and blah blah blah…abundance and light.”

Okay, fine.

True as that may be, if that language doesn’t resonate with you, you’ll never feel any bolder, and those high school girls with the black eye pencil will put their cigarettes out on your shoe.

The Co-op of Lack

My theory is that “Who do you think you are?” is actually a Co-op.

It’s a collective body of voices saying, “Agree with us in the lack that we see! Agree with us that there are no other options! Agree with us that no one has any power over life conditions!”

It’s actually pretty convenient.

It’s convenient to have this world-view because it gives you permission to stay stuck. It never requires that you do anything about it because after all, you’re dealing with a whole world-view!

Think about it.

When you say, “I no longer want to work with this abusive client,” you’re also saying, “AND, I believe there are multitudes of others out there for me.”

When you say, “I’m gonna nap right now, and I will be more productive and happier because of it,” you’re also saying, “AND, I believe that there’s more than enough time for me to get my to-do’s done.”

Get it?

Essentially, you’re telling the Co-op that you’ve decided to create a whole new world-view!

Extra Credit Bonus Tip

Let’s be honest.

Most likely there are occasions when you’ve been the one saying, “Who does she think she is?” (Even if it’s only in your head.)

Don’t be ashamed. It simply means that you have more opportunities to shift those old lack mindsets. Usually those mindsets are saying: “I’m feeling small and poor, so she should be small and poor too.” We’ve all caught ourselves doing this.

Even if it’s uncomfortable, you can choose to bless or praise anyone who seems to be taking bigger strides in her life. Then remind yourself again who you think you are, and join her!

—
Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

Today has been a whirl-wind kinda day here for me, so I thought that I would recap what I have learned from this whole giveaway experience:

1. People within this crafty little community I have found myself in are wonderful!  I have received so many encouraging and warm comments today about my little tree!  I can’t wait to show you what I have in store for the fabric.  Thank you all so much for stopping by and delurking!
2. People really like handmade gifts.  Most of the comments about your favorite handmade treasures have been related to the things that you have received as Christmas gifts (I realize this might be because of the time of year and all!).  And, I am in awe of all the wonderful stories that were shared today.  This really renews my pledge to give a handmade holiday this year.  I hope to make something that someone remembers like what has been shared today!
3. Nobody here really talked about the fact that they loved something handmade because it was perfect.   If you are thinking about trying something crafty, read through the comments and realize it really is the effort and thought that counts.  Just give it a shot.  It will be perfect to someone else even if you can see the flaws.  This is an important thing for me to remember too!
4. People really like free stuff!  And, I really like giving away what I make, so I definitely am going to do this again!

Thanks again for stopping by and sharing today with me!

I found this old table at one of my favorite junk stores in Abilene.  I love this store because there is so much stuff to rummage through, and you find a new treasure every time you go.  I think she charged me $25 for it.  It was a steal, and it didn’t end up need as much work as I thought that it would because I love the way the paint ended up after the sanding, so I didn’t have to repaint it.  The boy helped me sand everything down, and he also glued some things back together to make the whole thing a little sturdier.

I am planning on using it for a sewing table, and the thing that makes it the most perfect, I think, is it has a little drawer in the front where I can keep all my sewing necessities that I like to have within arm’s reach.  The inside of the drawer had seen better days (I am sorry that I wasn’t really good about photographing my progress here, but I will get better!).  So, I decided to cover the inside with some of my favorite Heather Bailey fabric.

This has a duel benefit for me.  First, it helped reinforce the drawer a little, but most important, it gave me an opportunity to use some of my favorites for me, something that I am admittedly very bad at doing.    I am actually not very good at making things for myself at all, but I am working on fixing that too.  The next quilt I make is going to be for me – mark my words!

This whole process was very much like decoupaging with paper.  I didn’t read the directions as carefully as I should have before I started.  Sanding between each layer would have probably made the whole thing smoother.  I may go back and sand it just a little to smooth things out; the finish is a little rough in parts.  I also probably should have painted the drawer first, so that the wood underneath wouldn’t have darkened the fabric.

Overall, I love it though.  It is glorious in its imperfection. See how much I am growing!

First, for the last 6 or more months, I have been working on a quilt for Joe’s mom. This quilt top was originally hand pieced by joe’s great grandmother on his mom’s side. I hand quilted the whole thing, and it was probably the largest endeavor I have ever taken with anything like that. Then, I made the stripey bias tape and put the whole thing together. I am really happy with the way it came out, so I thought that I would share.

So, because every true man room, particularly ones that also double as guest bedrooms, should look good in a manly way, I made him some curtains.  And, I also made one of the pillow covers that will be in the room, so I thought that I would share!

I am a closet (literally) scrapbook hoarder. I joke that my hobby is really collecting (and organizing) scrapbooking materials. And, while I have all these materials, I am not actually creating pages. I have ideas, but I always have some excuse that holds me back from taking the next step. And, I have been wondering, lately in particular, if I needed to sell what I have and admit that although I want to scrapbook, I am not ever going to do it. I have been receiving gentle prodding in that direction by others around me too.

But, I am not ready to give up the idea that I can be an academic and a scrapbooker/crafter at the same time, even though I know that this is definitely one of my hang-ups about scrapbooking.  I am reading Ali Edwards‘s book called Life Artist, and I am really loving this term right now. I think I like it because it allows all my loves to be “okay.” I can create in my classroom as well as every other medium in my life that I choose. This one term allows for all of my desires to coexist, albeit sometimes very strangely.

This year, we have been doing some major purging like what Christine is talking about. We have been getting rid of the things we don’t absolutely love, and I have been trying to get rid of the stuff that I am keeping because of fear. Fear someone will be upset if “it” is not on my wall, fear that “it” will never fit again, fear that I can’t believe I spent so much money on “it,” or whatever. But, as we are clearing more and more out, I am not feeling better, as I had hoped that I would. For me, I think that I need to take the step and actually clear out the mental clutter, keeping only what I love. This is the same discussion that I hear everywhere right now. I keep reading about the idea that you have to let go of what is holding you down, just forget about it. But, the light bulb moment happened for me as I got to #26 on Christine’s list of things to toss.  This thing was an attitude or a belief on a  list of physical things to pitch.

What I need to toss right now is not physical. I can completely empty my house, and I am still not going to feel the way I want to feel until I get rid of the mental clutter that is clouding up my energy. I have come to terms with the need to get rid of my physical clutter, but my brain has been like a cluttered hard drive on a computer for far too long. I think that this is the core of what I keep seeing discussed, in whatever format it takes at the moment. You are only going to be successful when you keep the thoughts that you love and think the thoughts that are going to help bring you what you desire. It is really just the law of attraction boiled down. I have to clear out the mental clutter I am keeping, and I have to deal with the fact that I am afraid of what I will have to admit if I give it up.

So, I have decided that I am not ready to toss our my scrapbooking aspirations yet. But, I do realize that if I want to be the life artist I really want to be, I have to realize that it is the mental clutter that is holding me back in all my life’s mediums (ie: It isn’t perfect, so no one will want it. The things I create won’t be good enough. I am going to mess it up. The act of creating is a waste of time when I have other things I should be doing). These are all the thoughts that are going to have to be put aside in order to succeed at this goal.

I mean since I got the new sewing machine, that I love more than other any crafting tool I could ever imagine, I have been creating lots more. So, I know that having the tools I need to create what I want to create is the first step. I have actually known that the tools matter for me for quite some time and already give myself the tools I need to make the task of teaching easier to manage. So, now it is time to clean out all the clutter, mental and physical, and take the next step towards creating the life I desire in a fuller sense.

Amazing how perfectly this goes along with my word for the year!

So, instead I jumping straight into the grading (it is late to do so, but I got my new computer today, so I was transferring information from one to the other). I thought that I would write some here about setting intentions and what I am grateful about today.

As I mentioned above, I am very happy and excited about the new computer. Not only is it wicked fast and have a ton of storage, but it has a very cute little quiet keyboard.

Recently, I have been worried that I was keeping Em up late because of my late night grading. I love my other keyboard, but I think that I am going to try this one out for a while. The other thing that is really cool about it is that it is very tiny, so I will have a lot more room on my desk. But, I am going to need to keep my nails shorter. So, I am glad that I have a beautiful new computer and a tiny quiet keyboard.

I also am grateful for the easy start to this week. Because yesterday was fall pause (really, should one day be called a break), I didn’t have to teach. This weekend was fun but very tiring, so I was really happy to not have to jump straight back into it all on a Monday with all four classes. But, tomorrow will be all four. It is the only day this week for it though. I am going to be gone to a conference during the later part of the week.

Finally, I am grateful for good dinner. Because I was doing a transfer over from the old iMac to the new one, I had to be patient and wait, which allowed me to make a real yummy salad with real vegetables, something that we don’t always get enough of when we are on the run and visiting family.

Well, I am off to grade. I will see how much I get done tonight. They really do need to get them back tomorrow though. I will see how far I get. Hopefully tomorrow I can work on the other two postings I started too.

I think that the first thing that you have to do when dealing with an adventure into the imperfect is to stop judging other people’s imperfections. This act of calling attention to other people’s perceived weaknesses is likely just a way to make the expounder feel better anyway. We all just need to feel better about our imperfections, and maybe we will not judge our own stuff quite as critically. So, maybe, if I can just let things be, then it will trickle into the rest of my universe.

I will let you know how it goes. Until then, I am off for a grading marathon today!